I have a TOGO playlist in my iPod Nano containing 8 songs. They are all love songs save one. Most of my collections contain songs of heartbreaks. I’m not saying I’m heartbroken. I think good songs are written during a downfall of an artist because there are so many emotions. An artist who didn’t experience a downfall isn’t an artist at all — in my opinion.
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.
I’ve watched you sleeping for a while.
I’d be the father of your child.
I’d spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine,
And I love you, I swear that’s true.
I cannot live without you.
- Goodbye My Lover, James Blunt
This is my favorite James Blunt song. I emphasize favorite because it’s only one. These lines are loaded. I hope I never get to personify this song. I don’t know the whole story of this song and I’m not sure if he wrote this out of experience. Playing it solo in a piano made the song more beautiful. It’s a beautiful sad song I guess.
I’ll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You’ve been the only thing that’s right
In all I’ve done
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we’ll make it anywhere
Away from here
- Run, Snow Patrol
One of the few Snow Patrol songs I love. The melody is just beautiful. The lines above tell about an escape from everything (I think) — from criticizing eyes. Sounds familiar to me. Just listen to the song if you have a chance and you’ll understand. I had to pick a line so I picked the first verses.
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me
- Try, Nelly Furtado
I guess it’s the music that made me like this song. The lines above simply tell us that there is a design for life, but it’s nearly impossible to go by that design. It’s feasible, but nearly impossible.
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
- All Good Things (Come To An End), Nelly Furtado
Very true. Need I elaborate? That’s a life cycle. That’s why I always thought that life shouldn’t be taken seriously because it’s a game within the circle. Why struggle when in the end all is lost? Life is a game in which the outcome is already decided before it starts.
May 27th, 2008
I’m not exactly in the mood to write something non-innocuous (I’m just negating thoughtlessly here). So I finally am connected to a WiFi network and I have nothing to say except…
For the past few days, this machine has been acting up on me. Today I finally figured out why (moral of the story is to always check the error log when getting errors). After finally checking the error log, the problem is that I have no more space left. I had to empty the Recycle Bin and delete a few files that I no longer need. I only have 4GB in this machine and about 2.5 is being used by the system. Right now, 62% is used by the system, 16% used by me and 22% unused. Not much really if you think about it because the 22% is about 800MBs. It’s easily filled because I’m too lazy to use the SSD space. I have to spend time to work things out so that I have the web server and database files stationed on that SSD. I need to slim down this baby without compromising my GUIs.
Ate Loreta finally installed WP 2.5 in her site. She’s using Brinkster for hosting which is predominantly using Windows and it’s just a hassle working with Windows as the web server if you’re not configuring it. I have worked with Windows for web serving as a test site and it’s too perky. I will go with a *NIX flavored platform to serve web pages anytime. At work I’m still using Windows for web serving because they need the Frontpage capability. Such a useless technology if you ask me.
I will be adding another 1.5 line at work, I don’t know how I’d do it. i may have to expand the voice channels to full T1 and the added T1 goes to data. I’ll have to check with another tech for the complexity. I’d also be implementing BGP so that I don’t have to forward the goddamn ports to something else. By the end of the week, I’ll probably work a nigh shift to format a TS. I’m still allocating a schedule for it; been thinking about it since last night.
I’ve been programming at work whenever I have a spare time. I need to automate everything there. I can’t rely on our programmer overseas for every little thing. It sucks troubleshooting something you didn’t make because you’re working blindly. Time, time, time — I need time, but I can’t get any. I should really teach someone everything I’m doing!!!
May 20th, 2008
The second batch of lyrical lines that I’ve picked from my playlist. It took me more than a week to complete this batch. I’m not as inspired as the last one I guess. That’s the problem when you are reading while listening. You have to give the book priority.
Deep in my heart
There’s no room for crying
But I’m trying to see your point of view
- My Eyes, Travis
As I’ve said in my past entries, I am not an avid fan of Travis’ music, but rather the band’s style. Only thing though about them is that few of their songs either describes me or describes my philosophy. These lines describes my emotions. I keep them inside and I never really pour them out on someone. I pour them out on music most of the time. If I’m soundtripping loudly, it means I’m letting out a steam. It’s quite healthy really. Yeah, that’s it — I keep everything to myself. You’ll probably notice this on the demeanor on my face.
He pulled a gun from his jacket
He said I was going to die
It gives me so much satisfaction
To watch you beg and cry.
I just made up this story
To get your attention makes me smile.
- I Stopped To Fill My Car Up, Stereophonics
I enjoy listening to this song because it brings me into the story. Kelly Jones is a superb storyteller indeed. The lines above is a literal cry for attention — and it’s a good one at that. I especially like the last line. I would be considered anti-social, yet crying for attention. Aren’t we all? If I could play a goddamn guitar (which I’m sure I won’t because I have nervous coordination issues) I would be playing this song over and over again.
There’s things I want
There’s things I think I want
There’s things I’ve had
There’s things I wanna have
Do I want the dreams?
The ones we’re forced to see
Do I want the perfect wife?
The word perfect ain’t quite right
…
I’m just looking
I’m not buying
I’m just looking
Keeps me smiling
- Just Looking, Stereophonics
This is the first Stereophonics song that I heard and I’ve been a fan ever since, collecting all their albums. I think that the lines above has put what’s real and what’s not into words. I’m not sure yet if I’m just looking. Am I trying to grasp or am I just standing on the curb watching things pass by. It’s fascinating to not know what is real and what isn’t. Something so simple, yet if we stop and ponder we would be in a limbo trying to figure the thing out.
Cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
- Almost Lover, A Fine Frenzy
The lines above are for Mai. The song isn’t. Only the lines. My mind is filled with her images when I’m conscious. If you want her out of my mind, you have to knock me unconscious, but that doesn’t mean she won’t be in my dreams.
May 18th, 2008
If something strikes a nerve in my head I usually blog or linger a thought about it. However, due to some uncontrolled circumstances, I lost my inspiration over the weekend. So here I am again, trying to remember the moment which confirmed and disappointed my way of living. I may have seen a movie that could push “Mallrats” or “Good Will Hunting” down a notch. I’ve only seen “Into The Wild” once, so I don’t know the effect if I watch it over and over again.
“Into The Wild” confirmed my ideals and that it had been lived once. It’s a story of a man (Christopher Johnson McCandless played by Emile Hirsh) who detached himself from society because he hated it so much. He embraced the peaceful and adventurous Nature. He disregarded the material things because he believed it caused. It’s really a very powerful equation because I never thought of it that way. I’ve always thought of it’s result specifically. I’ve always deduced it to suffering. To say that it causes struck a domain with a wider range. Wealth and power causes suffering. His definition precedes mine. It’s a discovery of greater value for me. Wealth and power causes ______. Anything could be filled in the blank and that’s what I meant by a wider range.
I’d really would like to write more about MCandless’ thoughts but I won’t. I would go straight to the disappointment he brought me before he died. His last testament was the confession that “happiness only real when shared.” This is where I still define myself from him. Happiness, as I always believe, is for oneself. Having it shared with someone else does not make happiness eternal. A man’s journey should lead him to eternal bliss and all of us shall perish not achieving it. We are all slaves of love and care. We submit to love. I witness that because I for one have been forced into submission by the feeling of imperceptible care for someone. The selfless and voluntary devotion to someone. The reality of happiness is unattainable because we are not completely detached from society. From the movie, he made friends with others which brought his own demise. He lingered the thought of going back to society to share his experience with others. He was not always true to himself because he always hinted the return to society. His transformation wasn’t complete.
I am fully aware that I cannot come close to what McCandless have gone to, but I strongly believe that my realization is enough for me to live that life inside my head. I shall die not a hypocrite for I am living the things I believe inside me. My shell matters to me not.
April 28th, 2008
While I was watching the opening for Eat Bulaga! today, I was reminded of my high school days back in the Philippines. Back then, we had a subject wherein we did skits every Fridays on a given topic. It’s a civics class, so the topics relate to morals and ethics. But that’s not the point of this entry.
How did EB’s opening remind me of those years? Well, for me Wally Bayola of the duo Jose & Wally is really funny and talented, but for the love of __the_name_of_your_Almighty__ he needs to take his assignments seriously. Today, he & Jose performed together with Jeepney Joyride and I swear Wally was just moving his lips not knowing the lyrics of the song. It’s not the first time either. Every time he sings he doesn’t know the lyrics of the song. It’s a live band so there’s no way he can lip-sync. In dancing, I know he’s good at it, but it seems he never practices the steps. In skits, he forgets what he’s supposed to do. It’s been going on for years and this really makes his talent go to waste. And I like him over Jose.
Still how did it remind me of those years? When we’re doing our skits, we often forget our lines and reminding me of those years is just fascinating. It was just like yesterday and now we are all over the world with some of us having families already. It’s amazing how time goes and reminds us of what happened. We did plenty in those years. We did a concert using primitive instruments which our ancestors used way back before the Spaniards colonized us. I never had that experience when I went to high school in New York. I even joined a pageant in my Freshmen year. We only had about 12 boys in our section and we all had to join or else we fail. Now that I think of it, if I had the knowledge I have now, I would have gotten out of that show easily. I hope this entry doesn’t remind someone to search their albums for pictures of the event because it will be a freakin’ nightmare for all of us.
What’s the moral of my story? If you are given a task, be prepared. If you are forced to do extra-curricular activities and is threatened to be failed if you did not join, sue them. That’s why it’s called extra-curricular because it’s not mandatory – not part of the curriculum. Everytime I remember that event, it drives me nuts. I can still remember my outfit, my talent, etc. I’m pathetic as always.
April 22nd, 2008
Previous Posts
