A man is born to serve what purpose? My guess is as good as yours. Is it to populate, shape and define the world? Maybe. What I am sure of is that a man is born waiting to die. A man’s life is finite. He lives and after a span of time, he dies – forever decayed; no soul, no afterlife. During the time the man lives, he undergoes several transformations toward his ending. He suffers through time to reach that end. Life is a process of dying.
So why do we value life so much? Life is not precious because sooner or later it is gone. It causes all kinds of pain. So why do we protect something that is worthless and destructive? What is so good about the world that we thrive to live in it longer. These questions are yet to be answered; not here, but hopefully a hint appears.
I’ve lived twenty-six worthless years and spent a decade of those years in a quest to answer these questions. I have no answer, but I realized a tiny bit of it – happiness. There is no stopping the birth of man no matter what laws, medications, family planning we implement. Time and time again, man will be born save annihilation. Even so, man will evolve one way or another. So I thought, what would man do if he has no control over his birth? He has to live life and goes in a journey where he avoids suffering that is brought by living. Only in the absence of suffering happiness is reached.
What is suffering? Suffering is a feeling of destruction. Something that will cause physical and mental aspect of man to break down. These things we know as grief, jealousy, envy, hunger, pain, torment, and many more which your imagination can define. By that definition, we can deduce that man suffers because of another. Man does not grieve because of himself, he grieves because of another. Man loves (a form of attachment) another and will do everything to keep the attachment intact. Once the attachment is lost, man undergoes a series of states of suffering - grief, loneliness, depression, etc.
Since the cause of suffering is not oneself, society gets the blame. Social attachment torments a man. Being social do bring happiness, but only until a point. In society man acquaints himself with another who would bring happiness in a moment, but would later on bring lifelong suffering. Once a man attaches himself to another, he will protect both the relationship and the other entity as if it is a treasure.
A treasure is defined as an entity which – naturally – cannot be lost. It is only lost if hidden (i.e. kept or stolen), but it still exists. Life cannot be a treasure because it is lost no matter how careful the caretaker is. What is left behind when a man dies is a pseudo-self which is also known as memory.
Protecting a treasure is already cumbersome and takes so much out of a person. That act in itself contributes to a person’s suffering. How else would the feeling be if the treasure is lost? Naturally, anger, grief, disbelief, etc arise. As previously stated these are sufferings. It is true that having that treasure makes a man happy, but it’s troublesome taking care of that treasure.
In conclusion, eternal bliss cannot be attained by sharing with others. Eternal bliss is for an individual, not a group that’s why it is so difficult to achieve. The happiness we enjoy now is only temporary and we should enjoy that as much as possible. Think not of the future nor the past, enjoy the moment because it is now that will shape the future. Be happy if you’re happy.
May 5th, 2008
On my way to the office today, I passed by a Romanian Festival. They have the festival annually. I bought lunch at the festival - an expensive but fulfilling lunch. I had an Italian sausage on a hero and a stick of shish kebab. Last year I had gyro, so I didn’t want one this year.
I had a very interesting conversation with Avey in the office - mainly on my love life. Everyone in the office is curious about my love life, but surprisingly I’m not embarrassed about it. I’m very open about it unlike before. It’s a good feeling, but I still need to work on my I love you response to Mai when I’m on the phone with her while I’m at the office. I’m still shy about it.
Funny thing happened while I was on the ferry on my way home. As the ferry was docking, a kid - about 4-5 years old - sat next to me and faced the two loud girls in front of me. When the girls left their seats to get off the boat, the kid (a girl) screamed at them to “not go anywhere.” It was funny and scary at the same time. The kid was screaming madly. The girls got scared and I left my seat also because she might come after me next. What a character.
Goddamn, I miss Mai a lot.
May 3rd, 2008
If something strikes a nerve in my head I usually blog or linger a thought about it. However, due to some uncontrolled circumstances, I lost my inspiration over the weekend. So here I am again, trying to remember the moment which confirmed and disappointed my way of living. I may have seen a movie that could push “Mallrats” or “Good Will Hunting” down a notch. I’ve only seen “Into The Wild” once, so I don’t know the effect if I watch it over and over again.
“Into The Wild” confirmed my ideals and that it had been lived once. It’s a story of a man (Christopher Johnson McCandless played by Emile Hirsh) who detached himself from society because he hated it so much. He embraced the peaceful and adventurous Nature. He disregarded the material things because he believed it caused. It’s really a very powerful equation because I never thought of it that way. I’ve always thought of it’s result specifically. I’ve always deduced it to suffering. To say that it causes struck a domain with a wider range. Wealth and power causes suffering. His definition precedes mine. It’s a discovery of greater value for me. Wealth and power causes ______. Anything could be filled in the blank and that’s what I meant by a wider range.
I’d really would like to write more about MCandless’ thoughts but I won’t. I would go straight to the disappointment he brought me before he died. His last testament was the confession that “happiness only real when shared.” This is where I still define myself from him. Happiness, as I always believe, is for oneself. Having it shared with someone else does not make happiness eternal. A man’s journey should lead him to eternal bliss and all of us shall perish not achieving it. We are all slaves of love and care. We submit to love. I witness that because I for one have been forced into submission by the feeling of imperceptible care for someone. The selfless and voluntary devotion to someone. The reality of happiness is unattainable because we are not completely detached from society. From the movie, he made friends with others which brought his own demise. He lingered the thought of going back to society to share his experience with others. He was not always true to himself because he always hinted the return to society. His transformation wasn’t complete.
I am fully aware that I cannot come close to what McCandless have gone to, but I strongly believe that my realization is enough for me to live that life inside my head. I shall die not a hypocrite for I am living the things I believe inside me. My shell matters to me not.
April 28th, 2008
While I was watching the opening for Eat Bulaga! today, I was reminded of my high school days back in the Philippines. Back then, we had a subject wherein we did skits every Fridays on a given topic. It’s a civics class, so the topics relate to morals and ethics. But that’s not the point of this entry.
How did EB’s opening remind me of those years? Well, for me Wally Bayola of the duo Jose & Wally is really funny and talented, but for the love of __the_name_of_your_Almighty__ he needs to take his assignments seriously. Today, he & Jose performed together with Jeepney Joyride and I swear Wally was just moving his lips not knowing the lyrics of the song. It’s not the first time either. Every time he sings he doesn’t know the lyrics of the song. It’s a live band so there’s no way he can lip-sync. In dancing, I know he’s good at it, but it seems he never practices the steps. In skits, he forgets what he’s supposed to do. It’s been going on for years and this really makes his talent go to waste. And I like him over Jose.
Still how did it remind me of those years? When we’re doing our skits, we often forget our lines and reminding me of those years is just fascinating. It was just like yesterday and now we are all over the world with some of us having families already. It’s amazing how time goes and reminds us of what happened. We did plenty in those years. We did a concert using primitive instruments which our ancestors used way back before the Spaniards colonized us. I never had that experience when I went to high school in New York. I even joined a pageant in my Freshmen year. We only had about 12 boys in our section and we all had to join or else we fail. Now that I think of it, if I had the knowledge I have now, I would have gotten out of that show easily. I hope this entry doesn’t remind someone to search their albums for pictures of the event because it will be a freakin’ nightmare for all of us.
What’s the moral of my story? If you are given a task, be prepared. If you are forced to do extra-curricular activities and is threatened to be failed if you did not join, sue them. That’s why it’s called extra-curricular because it’s not mandatory – not part of the curriculum. Everytime I remember that event, it drives me nuts. I can still remember my outfit, my talent, etc. I’m pathetic as always.
April 22nd, 2008
“The Children of Huang Shi” is a true story during the Japanese occupation of China. An English journalist’s journey to becoming a great man. George A. Hogg was a British journalist who went to Nan Jing to record a bloody oppression of the Japanese towards the Chinese. He failed to report to the world because he was caught and was nearly beheaded if not for Chen Hansheng. To make the story short, he eventually landed in an orphanage where he took care of “the children of Huang Shi.”
I liked the film not only because of its real nature, but it was an act where one man established a relationship with children who lost everything and learned to love him as a parent. Although there were some who failed, he saved many and taught them many things. I especially applauded the scenes where they journeyed for the silky road and it showed cooperation between these boys through thick and thin. They were helping each other to survive. I thought it was a spectacle.
April 21st, 2008
I was watching “High Fidelity” and I thought about confessing something. The reason why I started collecting CDs is because I wanted to have a soundtrack of my life. As of this moment, I have not picked one, not even a track. There is no way I can choose the tracks that will narrate the moments in my life with my ongoing collection. Rob Gordon (John Cusack) had about tenfolds more records than I do and I’m very particular with the genre I listen to. I have no variety, thus my choices are thin. I’m full of rage inside, yet I can’t listen to a raging music. I listen to the Manics because I love the melodies they make and I love the revolution they make, but I hate the message. I enjoy the act, not the substance. I listen to Travis because they look cool, like some songs, but mostly hate the style because it’s too gloomy for me. I listen to Stereophonics because the music rocks, but I can’t relate to the words because they are all stories. I listen to Oasis because they’re just fooking badass. I listen to the Cranberries because I love the music, but I can’t relate. I listen to the Corrs because they influenced me in so many things especially the love for music. I listen to hundreds of bands and artists in the alternative scene, but I never listened to a record that describes me.
April 19th, 2008
The last weekend, I wasn’t lucky with the movies I picked. Saturday morning I went to Blockbuster to exchange my two-month-due rental with a couple of “the latest.” I rented “Death At A Funeral” and “Across The Universe” and watched them accordingly. I was disappointed with my choices.
“Death At A Funeral” looks familiar to me, but I can’t remember what this film reminded me of. The whole movie happened at a funeral service in the family house of the deceased located in some countryside in England. There, different characters collided. There’s the insecure son, the cocky son, the widow, and a bunch of relatives and friends with their own problems. I can’t even call most of these people names because their characters are too shallow, underdeveloped and useless to the story. The only thing good that came out of this movie is that the events were perfectly timed to compliment each other. I was even disgusted at one point when Howard tried to pull Uncle Alfie’s trousers and put him on the toilet and he got all the shit all over his hands and face. That was disgusting!
“Across The Universe” is a musical. I’m never fond of musical and I always think that musicals should just stay in theaters and not the motion pictures. I only rented this movie because “Across The Universe” is my all-time favorite Beatles song. The movie is terrible and they even messed up the scene when Jude was singing “Across The Universe” because they mixed it with “Helter Skelter”. I love “Helter Skelter” but don’t mix it with the title track. The characters were terribly developed and the story didn’t have enough conflict to be made into a movie. Again, this movie is too shallow.
I expected more comedy from “Funeral” - British comedy that is. The story was concentrated on how to piece the puzzle of events without thinking about how the characters are doing. “Universe” is the second movie featuring Beatles music. I did not expect anything from it other than the music. They were all good vocalists, especially the lead. Well, I’m biased because I’ll pick British singers over American singers anytime. Good luck to me in the next weekend. I hope to pick good ones this time.
April 9th, 2008
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